


let's hurt tonight (let's love tonight)

by Daisy_PoisonPen



Series: A Short Policeman AU [3]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: All Human AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, M/M, Policeman AU, Relationship Problems, Romance, Tissue Warning, bad breakup, present day, probably angst too, t for language, you're gonna need a drink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy_PoisonPen/pseuds/Daisy_PoisonPen
Summary: Gavin Reed is in love with Connor Anderson. He went down hard and he didn’t know what had hit him until too late.  When he finally figured it out, Connor was too far out of his reach, not that he would have had a chance anyway. In short, Gavin fucked up.





	1. five times Gavin knew he fucked up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tveckling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tveckling/gifts).



> heyyy i couldn't let the connor/gavin ship go so I had to follow this thing up. I haven't tagged it as such to prevent spoilers, but this is a follow up to the song fic I wrote last week. thank you tveckling for shoving me off my rk1k ship and into the vast, dangerous, stormy ocean that is Gavin Reed. I hate you <3  
> this is just a short little bit so I hope you enjoy the ride.

Gavin Reed is in love with Connor Anderson. He went down hard and he didn’t know what had hit him until too late.  When he finally figured out what he wanted, Connor was too far out of his reach... not that he would have had a chance anyway.

In short, Gavin fucked up.

It wasn't like they always say in books and movies, where it just slammed into him full force on first sight. In fact, they'd hated each other sight unseen. Gavin started their relationship off on the right foot with a helpful, kind “stay the fuck out of my way, Rookie.”

He'd responded with a dull “Fuck you too.” His voice is almost always a sweet lilt, even when his words are crass, like this. Gavin _hated_ how fucking kind he always sounded, even when he was trying to be mean. Now, he kind of loves it.

Their patrol was tense and awkward. Gavin always drives and thus, he had the excuse at the moment of focusing on the road to avoid eye contact. He'd radioed in that they were going to take a personal at around mid-day, and then finally broken the silence that day with a “get me a coffee, dipshit.”

Connor had stared at him like he was losing his goddamn mind, and at the time, he probably was.

“Get a move on!”

He had stubbornly crossed his arms and stayed put.

“What the fuck are you waiting for?”

“Waiting for you to get it your-fucking-self,” he'd snapped.

“Listen, you piece of shit,” Gavin seethed, “I don't care that your daddy is a fancy Lieutenant with higher ups lining his pockets, you're nothing but a fucking rookie, and I don't want a bullshit pansy ass partner that's only here because daddy greased his wheels. You're going to do what the fuck I tell you to starting with getting me my goddamn, mother _fucking_ coffee. Black with no sugar.”

Rookie had gotten him his coffee... and he'd put salt in it. A _lot_ of salt.

“My _daddy_ didn't grease my wheels, _asshole,”_ he'd raged while Gavin sputtered and coughed, “I'm here because I am _great_ at this, and _fuck_ you for insinuating otherwise. If you want another coffee, get it yourself.”

Things were downright hostile for about a month after that. _Nobody_ fucks with Gavin Reed's coffee. His coffee is religion.

_(but then there was time number 1...)_

...And he started noticing things, like the fact that Connor wears a dog tag engraved with what appears to be only one angel wing. When he's in uniform and can't fidget with the dog tag, he has a quarter which he flicks around, spinning it on his finger or on the dashboard. And he noticed that the kid's eyes were literally always sad. Even when he smiled or joked around with other people in the precinct, he always seemed to be hiding melancholy.

Gavin had lightened up on him once he noticed that. Connor didn't catch on at first, to be honest. He still meant it when he called Gavin names. His eyes would flash and he'd straighten to his full height, ready to defend himself. One day, he'd taken a breath to start _railing_ him, and Gavin raised his hands in surrender. “Whoa, whoa, calm your tits, shitcake. I'm not mad. You just seem to enjoy coming up with new things to call me, and it's sort of fun to rile you up.”

But he hadn't been riled up. He'd spent the day in thoughtful silence. At the end of the shift, he issued a short, obviously uncomfortable apology and literally ran away.

After that the silences were awkward, but no longer hostile, and whenever Gavin looked at him, he felt... _soft._

_(and then there was time(s) number two...)_

Gavin hears his colleagues talking sometimes, “...he's such an asshole, I don't know how Anderson does it,” and “honestly if Reed were on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it like I was in a sprite commercial.” Gavin hears every time Connor snaps some angry retort, a “fuck you,” or a “if you were on fire, he'd probably dump gas on you for being such a dick!” or something along those lines.

After the first time the rookie defended him, Gavin always bought the Rookie coffee and not the other way around. He wanted to be nice to the kid for some reason... maybe because his loyalty is heart-warming. Maybe it was because his face would light up in surprise like he wasn't expecting the kindness. Most likely, it was that the combination of his surprise and his loyalty made him adorable.

For a while he did nice things for the kid in order to con him into taking shifts he didn't want, or going with him to events or the like. He started to get to know him, started using his name mixed in with all the curses. _Connor. Anderson._

And then he'd come up with _clit-licker_ as an insult, which he thought was a pretty good one. But for some reason the insult sent Connor into a helpless fit of laughter, complete with wheezing and tears and “Pff, Pff, oh God that was funny, I swear I’m done laughing--pff, pff…” before dissolving into another round of cackles.

Gavin noticed how lovely his laugh is then. He resolved to pull laughter from the younger man more often.

_(the third and worst time went like this)_

One day, they argued—it was like their first day all over again, insults flying, fists clenching, growling and glaring. Connor had gotten in the patrol car and slammed the door, radioing in a ten minute personal before getting back out and walking away. Gavin cursed his way into a seven eleven, grumbling while he poured himself a coffee—and fuck that cock-sucking motherfucker, he could get his own shitty, over-sweet iced coffee with the fancy chocolate syrup in it or whatever! That shit doesn't even count as fucking coffee at this point, fuck him and his obsession with sugar—and found himself face to face with two guys in hoodies and holding up guns and screaming at the cashier.

The cashier emptied her register quickly, hands trembling, and then turned to all the cigarettes and cigars, dumping everything into black bags with tears in her eyes.

Startled by his presence, the two robbers turned to assault the poor cashier, yelling about calling the cops. Gavin honestly isn't too sure what happened next, just that he pulled his own weapon and started to tell them to put their weapons down, and that next thing he knew, Connor was on top of him on the ground, unresponsive. Pissed as the kid was, he'd come back in time to shove him out of the way and take bullets for him.

Ballistics said that the kid had taken out both robbers with his own gun, impossibly perfect aim delivering a flawless, standard double tap in the chest and one to the head for each of them. He stopped calling the kid 'Rookie' after that.

_(does this count as a fourth time? It doesn't matter, Gavin has had this building up for a while, maybe he's just lost count)_

It took two months for Connor to be released back to duty, but that time without the kid had changed his outlook significantly. His replacement partner had been a dick and he requested a new one in less than a week. Likewise, the next one was a female who was all 'girls kick ass too' and 'I don't tolerate your face without wanting to file sexual harassment claims' and so he'd requested a new partner also. That one was also a chick, much more down to earth and chill than the first one. Downside? She was always raring to go. “we should check that out” or “we should do this” or “we should do that” or “hey, isn't doing this against the rules?” and it was driving Gavin up the fucking wall. Still, he tolerated the woman until his partner came back and then bid her good riddance.

Connor had changed with him, too. Gavin often showed up at his place to hang out, keeping the younger man company and drinking beers with him. He helped the kid clean up around the house and made him food a few times until he could use both hands on his own again, since one was in a sling for most of his recovery. Then, as soon as the doctor cleared him, Gavin brought him to the range every weekend until he was shooting like his normal self again. Watching Connor shoot, the concentration on his face, the way his right eyebrow pulls in just a bit as he sights his weapon and readies his body, taking a slow breath... it is utterly _fascinating (_ Gavin will maim anyone that speaks about this, but there was more than one shooting range day that he went home alone and spent some time with his hand) and watching him blow a fist sized hole in the center of his targets over and over was equally intimidating and arousing (not a word! Not one fucking word. Gavin _will_ kill you. Slowly).

During all of those outings, Connor looked at him with so much gratitude that sometimes Gavin felt that if he didn't call the kid something offensive, his head was gonna explode. After that, Connor always just responded with a silly name of his own and a short chuckle.

It was an intense first year of partnership. Detroit is a city riddled with crime, and they found themselves almost always responding to home invasions or burglaries in progress, hold ups at stores or banks, and more drug crimes than they cared to count. Connor's professionalism and cool head almost always got them out alive. He had earned his place in the DPD with his talent and dedication, and Gavin was proud of him.

Gavin decided that Connor was going to be like a little brother, someone he could help come up in the system and in life as he goes through the ranks at the DPD. Over time, they became best friends. Connor tells him any little thing about his days, and his days off now. He laughs more, too, and Gavin is happy about that, because he doesn't want Connor to have that secret melancholy anymore.

_(the fifth time is an actual time, Gavin promises.)_

Today, he doesn't want Connor to go home alone. It's October 11th, and that means he's probably likely to go spend time with his dad who will likely still be drinking himself to death as he does every year on that day.

“ _Hey, you alright?” There was that melancholy again. Gavin hates seeing him that way._

“ _Yeah, fine. Just... gonna head to Dad's before going home.”_

“ _Why does that sound like you'd rather meet Jigsaw in person?”_

_He fidgets with his dog tag for a second before pulling it over his neck and handing it to him. There's one wing and on the back it says, “RIP Cole Anderson September 29, 1988- October 11, 1993.” Gavin frowns when he realizes the date._

“ _My brother has one just like it, with the matching wing,” Connor explained._

“ _Aww hell,” he says quietly. “I'm so fucking sorry.”_

“ _I'm... I mean—my brother Kenny, he was only six months old when it happened, and I was two. We both—we don't even remember him, really, but my dad... he thinks it was his fault. It was icy, we had an early freeze. There was a truck that day, with a tired driver and black ice... and Dad got off early so that he could pick up Cole from someone's house, and it..”_

“ _Fuck,” Gavin says helplessly._

“ _But Dad... he never got over it, and...” Connor starts to cry and Gavin is completely unprepared for the shiny slick on his face and the glassiness in his eyes. “It sucks because he's the only one that matters now... I mean, we're still here,” he hisses, angry tears slipping down his face. “But when dad starts drinking that doesn't matter—we don't matter. Only Cole matters, and Cole's gone.”_

That was when Gavin knew he was well and truly fucked.

It's been two years since then, and that moment still simmers under his skin, sometimes spiking to a crackle when Connor smiles at him or burning into his chest when Connor is sad. Connor has saved his life six times in half as many years, and in those times that realization boils in his blood: _say something to him!_ But all he can manage is a choked thank you.

Today is one of those days... mostly because he knows Connor is already dreading going to the Lieutenant's house today. He knows Connor won't really see it as a favor, but he's doing Connor a favor, really by sweet-talking him into working security for a political function. Connor groans and grumbles, but begrudgingly agrees to work the overtime. Gavin decides he'll spend the boring evening spoiling his partner. He buys him a bag of mini-donuts and that ridiculous, over-sweet coffee from Seven-Eleven, as well as those annoying spicy chips he likes, and pizza by the slice, to go, from their favorite after-work pizza joint.

Connor digs into the feast with gusto, beaming as he crunches into his spicy chips as Gavin drives. “Almost makes up for making me be here,” he muses, licking his fingers. It drives Gavin absolutely nuts, and he reaches over and shoves a napkin into Connor's hands.

“Hey, I didn't make you do anything, fuckstick. You just know that the alternative is even less fun.”

Connor frowns, a shadow crossing over his features. “You're right,” he says eventually.

“Aww—shit I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. Just give me one of your cinnamon donuts, I love those.”

Gavin hands over the bag without protest. Connor watches him for a moment, but then shrugs.

They finish their food and get to work, joking between themselves, mostly at Connor's expense because of all his complaining about the rain or the cold. Gavin lights a cigarette at some point, and hands it to Connor. Connor stares at him like his head is going to fall off and shakes his head.

They're quiet for a while, and Connor's face falls the way it always does when he's thinking too much about... something. Gavin finally finds out what exactly that something is when it materializes from a limo and Connor's face morphs into sheer panic.

Coffee and a break later, Gavin knows. He knows that the pretty boy with the multi-colored eyes broke Connor's heart and that's why he always looks sad. He wants to tell Connor that he would love him better, that ditching him to figure out his feelings for someone else would be bullshit because there would be nobody else, but he can't get the words out. Instead he just says, “His loss.”

 _Fucking idiot._ But at the same time, telling him about his eternal crush while he was pining over his ex seemed stupid, so he just did his best to cheer up his friend and went away... and in doing so, he now has just given up any chance of being with him.

Watching Connor suck face with his ex is just twisting the knife, so he goes outside to smoke and calm his nerves. The guys out here are all jokes and jabbing elbows, “lookit Queer Connie getting it on with some pretty rich kid haha” to which Reed just rolls his eyes and grumbles about 'immature bunch of ignorants' and threatens to shoot them all in their fucking balls if they don't shut up. They all raise their hands in surrender, “geez, okay, my bad, gosh!” and back away, put out by Gavin's attitude.

When Connor finally makes it back to his post, he is smiling so brilliantly that Gavin has to excuse himself to the bathroom so that he can hide his sudden tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one down, two + an epilogue to go.
> 
> if you wanna hang out, check out this discord server here https://discord.gg/qf5Fzzz where we write awful, awful things together and fan out over DBH and our favorite fan fictions. I'm sure everyone would love to have you.
> 
> as always, if you see something, say something! it is typos galore out here. lemme know what you think and drop a kudos if you like. y'all rock.
> 
> <3Daisy


	2. let's hurt tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin loves Connor but has to wait him out.

_It’s not fair._

The thought circles over and over in Connor’s mind as he sits, waiting in the pulsing neon lights.

It hasn’t even been three months since they found each other at that event, Markus attending a political event with his _father_ and his _fiance,_ and ending up leaving with Connor, back to his apartment where they spent a _long_ time making up for _lost_ time. Connor had been happy, ecstatic, even, to have Markus back in his life. He’d thrown himself fully into knowing him again, right off the deep end and into Markus’s life working on the campaign of a local politician. Connor honestly would never vote for the guy, but he still helps pass out flyers, put up signs, sign up constituents, whatever the fuck in order to help Markus’s career take off.

He loves that Markus always kisses his temple. The touch is so light, so gentle. It makes Connor feel like he _matters_ to Markus. Come to think of it, he only ever feels like he matters when he’s helping his boyfriend, except when Markus presses his lips to the side of his head.

He did that before he left this morning, a bright smile on his face and an enthusiastic, “I’ll see you tonight babe” before ducking out of Connor’s apartment and bounding down the steps.

Then, two hours and five drinks after they were supposed to meet, a stupid _text message,_ of all things: _sry baby i got caught up @ wrk. Raincheck?_

Connor orders another shot and downs it. _Sure,_ he answers. _See you around._

_Don’t be mad babe_

Connor takes another shot, and then one more before he responds. _It’ll be fine._

He sighs. The happiness had fled his relationship just as quickly as it had come back to him… first it was little things like “those guys wouldn’t really be the type of friends you’re into, babe” or “I’ll be home late but if you want to wait up for me, I’ll be home around eleven” only to come home long after Connor’s fallen asleep. Then it was other things, petty fights that end in desperate make-up sex, then it was the setting dates and not showing up, like today. There’s always a valid reason, busy with work, last minute things for his job, networking events that he is being forced to attend.

Connor takes another shot. Now it’s like he spends his life waiting for Markus to have time for him, and he doesn’t. When confronting him about it, Markus had seemed absolutely devastated. “I’m so sorry,” he’d whispered forlornly. “I just… I _have_ to do whatever it takes. This is my dream and I can’t let go of it.”

“I would never ask you to,” Connor had said. “I just want you to include me. I want to be your dream too.”

Markus hadn’t said anything to that, but he’d kissed him, and that lead to another ‘make up and make out’ session. When they were finally done, tangled in sheets and limbs in Markus’s California King bed in his posh loft full of expensive things, it couldn’t have been clearer to Connor that Markus didn’t think he was his dream, after all.

Drunk and not willing to attempt driving home, he sends a text message. _Busy?_

_No, what’s up butt trumpet_

_Pick me up?_

_Wya_

_Thanks._ He attaches his location and then orders a beer.

_Omw. if you puke in my car I’ll shoot you, shitface_

_Fuck you gav_

_Fuck you too con_

_Give the bartender your key pls_

_And don't do anything stupid_

_aww gav ur give-a-fuck is showing again_

_I told you I don’t have one. just let them hold ur key I’ll see you in ten_

Connor grins. “Markus ditched me.” He holds up his key before setting it on the counter.

“I figured after a while,” snorts the bartender.

“But it’s fine because Gav is gonna pick me up.”

“Yeah? Who is Gav?” The bartender moves the key behind the bar.

“My partner. He’s my best friend. He always picks me up when Markus can’t be around.”

“Sounds like Gav is a pretty good friend.”

“He’s a good partner. He told me Markus would keep hurting me,” Connor adds, a bit sadly. “But I don’t… Markus is just busy. He wants to be a politician. In fact, I think he’s gonna be the first openly gay president.”

“Wouldn’t that be something?”

“He can do it, too. I know he can.”

“Well your boytoy can’t be the first openly gay president if he doesn't have someone to be openly gay with. He’d better get his act together if ya ask me.”

“Wouldn’t that be something,” Connor muses, “an openly gay president that can’t be gay.” His face falls. “I’m really trying,” he whispers, his lip quivering.

“That’s what makes this whole thing sad,” says the bartender with a pointed look. “Hey one more beer and then you're cut off, you hear?”

“You’re no fun.”

“I’m closing your tab, kid.”

“Whatever.” Mercifully, Gavin wanders over toward the bar shortly after, followed by a bouncer. Connor’s night brightens considerably, then.

“Come here ya drunk fuck. Let’s get you home.”

“No, I don’t want’to I still gotta drink one more beer.”

“Yeah, no you don’t. Did you close his tab?”

“Not yet,” the bartender says.

Gavin pulls out his credit card and puts a twenty in the guy’s tip jar. “Gimme a receipt will you? Fuckstick here doesn't know his ass from his elbow right now, much less how to pay me back.”

“I do too! See?” Connor points at himself: “Elbow.” Then he points at Gavin, “and ass.”

The bartender bursts out laughing as he hands over a receipt and Connor’s keys.

“Hardy har har motherfucker.” But Gavin actually finds that to be a good joke, so he laughs. Then he realizes that Connor inadvertently called him _his ass_ and feels fuzzier inside than he has any right to. “Let’s get you home.”

“Noouuu,” Connor protests. “I don wanna see Mark’s’e makesh me mad.”

“Okay then come to mine, crash on my couch.”

“Okay,” Connor agrees.

Connor is passing out by the time they reach Gavin’s house, so Gavin pours him on to the couch and leaves a bottle of water and some painkillers on the coffee table. He can’t resist pressing a kiss to Connor’s temple.

Thankfully Saturday morning yields a rare day off, which means that Gavin makes coffee and breakfast and lets Connor slumber away on his couch. He casually swipes his partner’s phone with the intention of plugging it in on the counter, but when it lights up he can see all the notifications:

_[Apple News- Victims of fraud report new scam]_

_[3 new iMessages from Baby Bro Baby Dick]_

_[Jessie wants to talk to you——hi im lonely girl wanna talk to me?]_

Gavin does him a favor and deletes the spam email, frowning. Not even a “did you get home alive?” text? what the fuck kind of boyfriend stands you up on a date and then doesn't even make sure you got home okay?

“Heyy why’re ya in my phone?” Connor asks with a groan. Barely conscious, he reaches right for the pills and the water.

“Wait dont take em before you puke! Go to the bathroom. i left out a towel and shit for you to change into.”

“Thanks.”

“I was just plugging in your shit. Your baby brother texted, though.”

“Thank you, Gav.” He stumbles into the bathroom before Gavin can answer.

Breakfast is too quiet, but it’s fine. Connor nurses coffee and water and keeps his eyes closed most of the time, and then they settle on the couch for some TV, where Connor promptly falls back asleep.

Around noon, Connor finally texts his brother back, and the ensuing phone call is hilarious to listen to at first. Still only _mostly_ recovered from the hangover, Connor holds his phone away from his face sometimes, complaining. “Keep it down! Yes, you’re loud. The fuck you are,” he laughs.

Then his face finally falls when the brother in question must have asked where he was last night, because Connor mumbles, “at the lounge. No, umm… Markus couldn’t come, I got some friends to meet me instead.”

Gavin seethes. “Seriously?!” He takes the phone from his hand before Connor can protest. “Hey, Dick Junior, it’s Connor’s partner and there were no _friends_. His stupid boyfriend stood him up and I picked him up drunk of his ass.”

Connor’s eyes are furious but he doesn't care.

On the phone, Dick Junior (he knows the kid’s name is Kenny but he likes insulting the pair of Andersons, okay?) grumbles. “Aww fuck again?”

“Talk some sense into this dipshit, will you? Wait, what do you mean again?”

“Put the loser on the phone,” Kenny sighs. “And hey can we get some privacy? Holy shit!”

“My bad.” Gavin fucks off after that.

Kenneth Jacob Anderson is Connor’s lifeline. A younger but taller carbon copy of him, the kid is never around because he’s in the Navy and currently resides somewhere in Maryland. Gavin has only seen him in person once, at the hospital after Connor got shot. His Navy fatigues were impeccable and matched the gray-blue of his eyes, different than Connor’s warm coffee brown. They’d been full of tears, and he’d been staring at his wing tag, added to his military tags against uniform regs, probably. Watching him with the Lieutenant had been painfully awkward.

They’ve moved on from the berating if Connor’s gullibility going back to him and ironically enough, the Lieutenant is the topic of conversation. “He’s drinking less now. I go by as much as I can. Yeah well we can’t stay mad at him forever—I know you enlisted just to fuck off from him but he _needs_ us, Kenny, don’t be a dick. He’s all we’ve got now. Whatever I won’t fight you about this now. Just… call him, okay? Oh. okay then. I love you fuckface, be safe. Yeah I will.”

Gavin sits next to him on the couch. “Sorry-not-sorry for ratting you out.”

“Hmph.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Kenny thinks he’s using me to get laid. It’s not like that at all, I swear! I _know_ he loves me, and that’s what just… it makes it worse.”

Gavin nods, thoughtful. “Sometimes love isn’t everything. Loving somebody when it suits you isn’t real love. It’s being an asshole. And no matter how much _you_ feel for _him,_ if he only feels for you when it’s convenient, you’re not gonna get him to stick around. The next pretty piece of ass will come around and he’ll want to get at it. The way rich people do with pretty things.”

“You think I’m pretty?” Connor snorts.

“Pretty fucking stupid.”  _Pretty fucking pretty._

Connor sighs. “I’m tired,” he whispers.

“Then take another nap, who’s stopping you?”

“No, I mean, I’m tired of being stood up. I’m tired of not knowing when some intern is gonna get his attention and take him away.”

Gavin pats his shoulder so that he doesn’t pat his cheek. “I want you to know that you deserve better, okay? And I know for a fact that there’s someone that would treat you like a fucking king if he could out there.”

Connor sniffs, and Gavin’s insides crack a little. “You know for a fact, do you?”

Gavin swallows. He pulls his hand away from Connor’s arm, where it’s lingered a bit too long. He takes a breath hoping to inhale some bravery, and that doesn’t work. He tries again anyway. Connor is looking between his own arm, Gavin’s hand, and Gavin’s face with an expression of disbelief. Before he can open his mouth (probably to say something along the lines of “what the actual fuck?”) Gavin pulls himself against him and presses his lips to Connors in a chaste, soft kiss.

His lips respond automatically, as though he’s in shock. They don’t move at first, but then they come apart slightly as he gasps. A tiny, strangled moan escapes between them, and Gavin increases his effort, his tongue tracing along the bottom lip for a moment before he pulls it between his lips.

Gavin could spend the rest of his existence in that moment, but eventually, Connor pulls away. Connor stares like he’s in the twilight zone. “I…”

Gavin swallows. “You don’t even have to like me, Con. I… get that you probably dont, to be honest--I just want you to know that if you did, and I could… I would never stand you up or leave you for someone else, or walk all over your emotions. I would… I would love you better. And if that’s true about me, then… maybe it’s true about someone else, someone that you could love like that too. Just stop throwing away all your love and all your hurt on someone that won’t hurt with you or for you.”

Connor sucks in a breath. He stands up, and takes his things and clothes and his phone and backing toward the door, his entire face hot and the tips of his ears red. “I… should probably go. I’m gonna go. You know? I have… to think about stuff and it’s probably a bother to have me here anyway, so I’m just overstaying my welcome now. Um--I’ll see you tomorrow at work, okay?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, he just bolts.

Gavin cries over Connor for the third time in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof. 
> 
> I mean... uhm, hey let me know what you think and... stuff. I love you, you rock I'm gonna go cry for gavin kthxbaiiiii
> 
> <3Daisy


	3. let's love tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor figures out his life eventually.  
> Gavin meets Lieutenant Dad and is intimidated af.  
> Markus? why are you here?

The rides in the patrol car have gone back to silent and awkward again. Connor turns down all his offers for food and coffee now, but he doesn’t push. Gavin’s not doing that to  _ woo  _ him or anything. He just  _ likes  _ to give Connor things. He misses the happy smile, the sudden spark in his eyes when he says “oh, thank you!” or, some kind of snappy quip about Gavin making it up to him for conning him into a double shift  _ again.  _ Gavin used to think he lets himself get conned but now he is not so sure.

He’s questioning a lot of things: their friendship, their status as partner--oh fuck, he hadn’t even thought of that! What if Connor really doesn’t like him and decides to transfer partners? He doesn’t want Connor to ditch him because he opened his dumb mouth--whether or not Connor still has his back, whether or not Connor will be awkward with him forever.

Connor doesn’t say much to him outside of work, and the annoying sadness in his eyes that Gavin thought had gone away is back, but when he asks Connor won’t say a word. It’s March now and the cold is losing its bite. The thieves are getting back into the swing of things after the winter months. Connor is hyper-focused, and he’s glad at least one of them is because Connor distracts him often.

Although… sometimes he thinks Connor could be distracted too. Sometimes he can feel Connor’s gaze sliding over his uniform while he drives, or studying the side of his face, his cheeks light pink.

When he walks into the precinct tonight he’s surprised to find an older man, probably around retirement age, with shaggy white hair combed back and a suit jacket, but with no tie, a man that Connor goes right toward and puts his arms around. “Hi, dad,” he says into the man’s shirt. “I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in so long. What are you doing here?”

“It’s alright,” the man answers as Gavin cautiously approaches them. “Figured I’d come see you for a change.”

Connor beams. “Oh--dad, you remember my partner, right? Gavin, this is my dad, Lieutenant Hank Anderson.”

Gavin is more nervous than he’s ever been in his life than this moment as he reaches out his hand for the Lieutenant to shake. “Of course… Lieutenant.”

“Yeah sure,” the man says agreeably, shaking his hand. “He didn’t leave the hospital. Why don’t you go get out of your uniform, Con. We’ll grab dinner when you’re ready.”

“Okay--but hey, no beer, you promised.”

“Alright, alright,” the Lieutenant agrees, raising his hands a little. “Scram, hurry I’m hungry.”

“Yes sir,” Connor quips before ducking into the locker rooms. 

“Little shit,” he says once Connor’s gone. The Lieutenant turns to Gavin with an arched eyebrow. “You’re an idiot.”

“W-what? Me? Why?” He doesn’t say fuck you because the man is his superior and  _ Connor’s Dad,  _ but he would have otherwise.

“Have you  _ said  _ anything?”

Gavin’s eyes widen and he swallows. “What the fuck are you talking about?” he blurts out.

“Oh f’r fucksakes.”

Gavin’s shoulders slump. “I did, and it was a mistake.”

“Oh, pff. Give him time. He’s never been really good at being  _ liked,  _ and well… he’s also been tied up with that  _ asshole… _ ”

“Oh you… you know um…”

“Yeah, Connor joined the academy after moving in with me for like six months.”

“Why?”

“Well, because that kid yanked the rug out from under him after moving in with him. They got an apartment together and Markus came to me asking about marriage and the like, but by the time the first semester of Connor’s last year was over, the boy was backing out of everything saying that there was somebody else and he didn’t want to be a cheater.”

Gavin frowns. “Can’t win for losing, I guess,” he says thoughtfully. “If he hadn’t said something, he’d probably have gone behind Connor’s back.”

“Either way, Connor was depressed and barely functional for weeks. I mean, it took him weeks to even accept a drink with Markus, much less agree to date. And it was like once the chase was up, the switch flipped and Connor was the one that was all in and Markus was… distant at best. Connor couldn’t handle it--he didn’t handle it. Not well, not at all.”

“So I should… wait him out?”

At that moment, Connor returns to the lobby of the precinct, wearing a heather-blue tee shirt and jeans with a black leather jacket. Gavin thinks he looks…  _ sexy. _ “Dad, I’m ready.”

“Let’s go then, kid. Have you heard from your brother?” 

“Yeah, I talked to him in the weekend again…” the two walk out the door with so much as a goodbye, but Gavin doesn’t mind. He’s just happy Connor is smiling.

* * *

It takes two months after Gavin kissed him for Connor to show up at his door. His eyes are red and his face is empty, and it takes only a split second for Gavin to figure out what happened. He doesn’t say anything, but he pulls Connor inside and holds him tightly for a long time.

He makes up the couch and pulls out all the stops: orders pizza and beer, and runs out and buys all of Connor’s favorite snacks. He also buys twizzlers because pulling the damn strings apart makes Connor giggle like an idiot for whatever reason. He goes to a redbox and rents four action movies and a comedy, and Connor’s favorite movie of all time (Gavin thinks Godzilla 2014 was shit, but Connor says—read::  _ defends vehemently— _ that there was something special about seeing it in the theater and has loved the movie since).

They binge watch all the movies with Connor neatly tucked into Gavin’s embrace, his head on Gavin’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around himself, and Gavin’s hooked over his, and his socked feet resting over Gavin’s lap. Eventually they stretch out, and Connor’s tall ass doesn’t even fit on this couch? But that is irrelevant because of how small he is trying to make himself… how small he obviously  _ feels…  _ and Gavin hates that he can’t do anything but hold him while it sets in that Connor’s first (and only, so far) love is gone.

Gavin wonders if he’s set himself up to go down hard like Connor is now. As he reviews his actions since Connor arrived at his place, he realizes that he knows literally everything about Connor, up to and including his sleeping habits, favorite foods, the way he looks when he is experiencing certain emotions… Connor told him once that he knows more details about Markus’s life than anyone on earth (and certainly more than that blondie he had on his arm), and that he took pains to get to know the pretty boy; that kind of effort will obviously never be returned. 

Seeing the parallels in his own treatment of Connor gives him chills. He wonders if Connor has paid that much attention to him, too. “Hey Con?”

Connor grunts. He’s half asleep and more than half way groggy from beer and candy finally hitting him.

“Do you know my favorite color?”

“Gray,” he answers sleepily.

“Favorite food?”

Connor looks up at him now, confused. “That rice and beans and steak tips from the Hispanic restaurant on the riverfront.”

“Hmm.”

“I also know that you like winter more than summer for some reason, and that you prefer cats to dogs. You hate going to bed early but you’ve never gotten up late a day in your life. You know more about coffee and blends and other coffee shit than anyone I know, and that’s why everyone at the precinct thinks you’re kind of snobby. I know you, Gav.”

Gavin smiles, reassured. “Hmm,” is all he says.

“Lemme sleep,” Connor whimpers. He curls himself against Gavin like a body pillow, and Gavin gives his heart away like an idiot.

* * *

They spend a lot of time together after that, sort of sliding into a relationship on accident—neither of them really even knows their anniversary date or anything like that. Connor finally returned his kiss once, and since then they kiss every chance they get, and even chances they have to steal—during personals or just before or after shift…

The insulting nicknames are now interspersed with ‘baby’ among other things that Gavin enjoys because they make Connor blush adorably:  _ sweet cheeks, honey _ , and the classic  _ sweetie _ make the tops of Connor’s ears red. Connor always ends up hiding his face in his hands or in the collar of Gavin’s shirt. Others like  _ sugar _ ,  _ darlin _ ’ or some superlative like  _ gorgeous, sexy,  _ or  _ beautiful _ blow Connor’s pupils like being high, and that normally ends in make out sessions (which is always a win because kissing each other might as well be crack to them).

Gavin is starting to wonder about transferring partners, but Connor won’t hear a word about it yet. “I’m not ready for a new one,” he protests, and his pout usually ends the discussion.

Gavin absolutely  _ loves _ treating Connor. Connor lives for their moments together so Gavin makes sure Connor gets all his favorites and cuddles at least one or two weekends in the month, depending on how much they work. He takes PTO in the summer to take Connor out to visit his baby brother, and they spend two weeks meeting Kenny, then touring DC, then driving south to Virginia where they hit amusement parks and eat funnel cakes like teenagers.

_ (Connor never mentions Markus again.) _

But Markus definitely hangs around once or twice. He comes in to the precinct one time, talking to the desk sergeant about something for a protest. When he sees Connor, his shoulders slump. Connor greets him with a smile and a “wow, I haven’t seen you in a while, how are you? You remember Gavin, right?”

“Sure,” Markus says, plastering on his fakest smile and shaking Gavin’s hand. When Connor ducks into the locker room, Markus’s smile falls off. “You and…?”

Gavin nods.

“Didn’t waste any time, did you?”

Gavin snorts. “Not at all, fuck you very much. Honestly, I didn’t wanna swoop in on your dude or whatever. It wasn’t like that. But at the same time, you  _ have  _ to know that you fucked up.”

Markus scowls. “Gee, thanks.”

“Don’t make this worse, okay? If you ever cared about him at all, just… go away. Leave him alone.”

Markus grits his teeth. “I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean for him to feel unloved.”

Gavin sighs. “I know that, and he does too.”

“Well then… well then why did he leave?”

“Because, Markus. Because he deserves better than your unintentional neglect or whatever. He deserves better than being left behind, especially with all the effort he put into you. Do you know what he told me about you? He said that he knows every little thing about you. He said he gave you the very best of him.”

Markus’s shoulders sag even more. “I wanted to but… my job and my friends…”

“Connor has a taxing job too, and a dad that’s his superior at work  _ and  _ a recovering alcoholic, and he’s got  _ shit  _ going on in his life too but he still made you a priority. There isn’t an excuse for you not to do the same.”

Markus’s eyes widen. “His father is an alcoholic?”

“Mmhmm,” Gavin drawls. “Here’s the kicker…” Gavin leans in like he’s about to expose a secret. “His old man is the reason he always takes off and visits home a certain time of year, because the drinking is especially bad… on the anniversary of his oldest son’s death.”

Tears flood Markus’s eyes. “He never told me,” he whispers.

“Maybe so, but you never asked. He was always so fucking sad and quiet, how did you never notice? How didn't you see? What tells Connor that you’re gonna do better? The waterworks?”

“I… don’t know.”

“Hmm. Maybe that’s something you should think about… before you drag someone else into your life to just leave them at home alone without investing time and energy in them. It’s cool that you wanna dig your heels in your work, and I wish you the very best but… own that you’re not ready for someone like  _ him _ and let him go.”

Gavin turns to the locker room before Markus can say anything else. When he emerges with Connor a few minutes later, the pretty boy with the multi-colored eyes has vanished.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm. very think, much feels.
> 
> thanks for sticking around! only an epilogue to go. y'all rock
> 
> <3Daisy


	4. Epilogue: tell me all of the things that you couldn't before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time has gone by. Gavin and Connor have gotten their happy ending, but wtf happened to Markus?

sTime has kind of gone by in a blur, too slow and too fast at the same time.

Connor finally acquiesced to a partner transfer when he and Gavin moved in together. Living with Gavin isn’t like living with Markus. They do things _together_ , mundane things that couples do like make breakfast or make the bed, or throw soapy water at each other while doing the dishes. Gavin is as sappy as ever, and Connor matches Gavin’s enthusiasm with his own.

Where Connor loves his intimate moments and favorite things, Gavin loves _experiences_. So Connor books tickets to concerts, rents a car and takes him on a weekend road trip, takes him to the circus and to the amusement park and anywhere else Gavin wants to go. Gavin has convinced him to do crazy things too, like base jump off a bridge or jump out of a perfectly functioning plane. Connor enjoys the thrills once they’re over, and then the adrenaline and endorphin-fueled sex always is the perfect ending to a perfect day.

They get married two summers after they got engaged. Dick Junior is obviously Connor’s best man and Gavin’s new partner, a girl named Tina Chen, stands for him. The Lieutenant hides a tear or two (or a hundred) when the ceremony ends, and Connor goes straight into his father’s arms like a child still. Gavin finds it endearing, especially when the man yanks him into their embrace. He still would never dare to call the man ‘Hank’.

They’re married for six months when Connor transfers to the Major Case squad as a detective. Gavin ends up climbing the ranks in vice and narcotics crimes. Their work is often heavy and dark, and they find themselves needing to spoil each other very often.

That’s how Connor finds himself some years later, sitting in a cafe enjoying a celebratory cup of coffee after bringing down a human traffic group that had tried to swoop in on drug and gang territory, pushing the city to the brink of all out war. The case has been going on non-stop for almost six months, including under-cover work, warrants, raids, a couple of near-miss injuries that land him on leave for a couple of weeks at a time, and generally more stress than he signed up for.

But it’s done now. He sighs in relief and inhales, taking another sip of his mocha macchiato with extra mocha and whip.

“Oh, um… Connor?!”

He’s surprised and disappointed at the pop of his celebratory chocolate-and-coffee bubble, but not as surprised as he is the second he hears that voice. “Markus, hi. It has been… well, a long time.”

“Mmhmm, so it has. How are you? Tell me about yourself.”

Connor gives him a brilliant smile that makes his heart ache a little bit. “Happy,” he answers. “You?”

Markus’s smile is less brilliant, but still genuine as he says, “Happy too.”

They catch up for a while. Connor’s easy smile and confident openness are something Markus doesn’t remember seeing when they were  younger. He realizes that the guy, Gavin, was right. He always had some kind of melancholy about him, over him like a stifling blanket. He hopes to God he didn’t cause any of that sadness, but deep down, he knows he did.

Connor tells him that he’s been married to Gavin for several years now, and Markus is happy or him. He figures that Gavin gave him everything he was looking for and then some, and if that keeps the sweet smile on his face, then Markus is all the better for it.

Finally, Connor says, “how about you?” and Markus tells him that he’s been single for a long time, but that he finally managed to work his way up to the Mayor’s campaign manager a few years back. After that, he’s worked with city council members and other key city government, and he thinks he is in a place to run for Mayor this time.

Connor smiles widely. “That would be amazing,” he exclaims excitedly. “Can you imagine? Markus Manfred for Mayor!” Markus thinks the alliteration is catchy enough for him to win, and when he says that out loud, Connor laughs. “All the best to you, then. I hope you can reach all those dreams you’ve worked so hard for.”

“That means a lot to me coming from you,” Markus says with a heavy sigh. “You know, I didn’t think I would ever see you again? But I’ve always thought about what I would say if I did.”

Connor’s smile flees his face. “Markus…”

“Wait, listen, please--I promise I’m not here to beg you back or anything. Please, just hear me out.” At Connor’s guarded silence, he continues. “The first thing I always thought I would say to you is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for letting you love me so wholeheartedly without telling you that I had to and wanted to put my career first. I’m sorry I let you feel neglected and unloved. I swear to you that you weren’t.”

Connor swallows. “I… thank you.”

“The second thing I have always wanted to tell you is that I know that you deserve better than what I gave you and… I’m happy for your success. With your career, and with Gavin Reed and… all of it. I wish you all the best too.”

Connor nods, smiling. “That means a lot to me, coming from you.”

Markus smiles too. “I know that I ruined things between us, and that I don’t have a chance anymore--and really, truly, I’m not looking for any of that. I’ve learned from what happened with us, and I’ve learned to let you go. But I hope that someday, maybe… I can gain your trust again, and that we can keep in touch. I’d like that very much.”

Connor lifts a shoulder and takes another sip of his coffee. “Maybe. Is it… is it okay for me to tell you something too?”

“Anything,” Markus says.

“When I met you I was shy, a cliche science nerd that could never get more than two words out to someone that hit on me. I was unsure of my future and myself, and I had a lot of baggage. I was… I was _okay_ with being sad, I was used to it. I didn’t know that there was a chance for me to become more than I was. I honestly have you, and what happened between us to thank for showing me that I deserve better and that I can be better. Without us breaking up the first time, I might have never pursued the Police Academy, becoming a detective. Without all those times that I spent sad because of us, I might not have known what happiness with someone I love is. Even though you hurt me, Markus, you taught me something incredibly valuable about risking it all to pursue my goals. And for that, I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”

Markus is speechless, both because he doesn’t know what to say, and because his throat has knotted itself into silence.

Connor finishes his coffee and drops a twenty on the table. “I’m glad I got to talk to you today.”

Markus watches him go. “Me, too,” he says as the door jingles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaand cut.
> 
> hey thanks for making it all the way through this. I'm stuck in this ship mud pls send halp
> 
> let me know what you thought about all of this and about Markus, Connor, Gavin, and Lieutenant Dad's Lieutenant Dad vibes. if you like, Kudos, if you want fic recs find me in discorddddd we have tons of authors in this server and they all write awesome shit! pls hang out with us https://discord.gg/J8DEEgv
> 
> you all rock
> 
> <3Daisy
> 
> ps--I swear, I *swear* I'm working on my chapter fics, i *promise promise promise*! actually this whole saga started because of writer's block. so...


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